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There’s no denying that men and women often see the world through different lenses, but it seems the gap between them is growing wider. According to the Survey Center on American Life, only 42% of young men feel that women recognize the problems they face. At the same time, 72% of young women believe men don’t fully grasp their struggles.
Clearly, there’s a need for better communication to bridge this divide. To share their side of the story, men on Reddit recently opened up about what they wish women would understand about them.
Read on to see their perspectives, along with expert advice from Kevin Pasco, relationship coach for men, on building better relationships with women.
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#1
Sometimes you are wrong. There are things that a lot of women do that are toxic, even sexist. You are not perfect.
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#2
When we ask you "what's wrong" just tell us what's wrong in simple terms. We can't read minds.
David Morgan 1 month ago
PLEASE, everyone, stop doing the "If you don't know I'm not going to tell you" s**t. Maybe I should already know from context, maybe not, but the fact is that right now I DON'T. This applies to everyone.
#3
Just because I'm talking to you doesn't mean I'm trying to hit on you. It just means I'm talking to you.
In 2024, the age of smartphones, social media, and dating apps, men are struggling to form meaningful relationships—so much so that it’s been labeled the “male loneliness epidemic.”
The numbers tell a clear story. Research from 2021 revealed that 15% of men say they have no close friends—a significant jump from just 3% in 1990. Another study by Equimundo in 2023 showed that a majority of men, from older millennials to Gen Z, agreed with the statement, “No one really knows me well.” Among all the groups, Gen Z expressed this sentiment the most.
In terms of romance, men appear to be trailing behind women. According to a 2022 Pew Research Center survey, 6 in 10 men under 30 are single—nearly double the rate of women in the same age group. The Equimundo study also found that about 1 in 5 men are either not seeking a relationship or are unable to find sexual partners.
#4
This is a 'some women' deal: I wish more people (in general) realized that 'men' and 'women' aren't teams. Just like I don't have to back up every single thing a guy does because I'm a guy, you don't automatically have to back up a woman because you're both women.
#5
That we have feelings and should be able to share them. Yet societal norms have me feeling weak for even saying this.
Iampenny 1 month ago
I think most women accept this fact, at least most women that I know. I know there are societal norms by which men feel they shouldn't talk about their feelings, and I am sorry about that, but if men in general don't start trying to break these societal norms, nothing will ever change.
#6
Most of the time, when men say something, there is no hidden meaning.
David Morgan 1 month ago
Obviously a generalisation, but in my experience, men prefer to be direct - if they like you or dislike you, they won't hide it. If there's a conflict they will deal with it and then move on, sort of resetting back to neutral. Men don't tend to hang on to grudges without acting on them, and the acting on them purges them (mostly). All opinions my own etc etc.
Feeling abandoned by society, it’s not much of a surprise that many men feel bitter. Unfortunately, some have directed their anger outward, blaming women for their loneliness.
However, Kevin Pasco, relationship coach for men, believes this approach is misguided.
“So many men are frustrated with women (and vice versa) because we’re being taught all the wrong ways to have a relationship,” Pasco told Bored Panda. “Men aren’t being taught how to be solid leaders, how to communicate, how to connect with their feelings, and most importantly, how beautiful it is to have a deep relationship with a woman.”
“It’s become more common for men to be involved in hook-up culture, avoid being vulnerable, and only focus on what they can get instead of what they can give,” he added.
#7
That we can in fact think about nothing.
And that deep breath we do isn’t sighing.
It’s our brain remembering that we need to breathe.
Lost Panda 1 month ago
My wife gets annoyed with the big breath and asks why I have an attitude. Nope, just trying not to suffocate over here
#8
Telling a guy that since he is a man he should " help you open the door", "let you walk in first" or "carry the heavy things" is like telling a girl that since she is a woman she should "smile more" or "dress modestly" or " be more quiet".
Child of the Stars 1 month ago
While I agree on most of these points, I'm definitely asking the person with a significantly higher upper body strength than me to "carry the heavy things" simply because you're less likely to hurt yourself than I am.
#9
That humans are sensitive creatures plain and simple. Men are just as sensitive as women but can be socially conditioned to perceive this as weakness and close it off. Men can quickly lean towards anger or bravado as defence mechanisms but if you peel back the layers of any person, inside is a sensitive inner child, that grew older, they have fears, hopes, needs. A man cannot be a stoic monolith, he needs support and encouragement as well as a place to feel safe to be vulnerable.
“One of the biggest things stopping men from having better relationships with women is that most men aren’t in their masculine energy,” Pasco explained. “And I don’t mean being jacked, having a beard, and drinking whiskey—what society thinks being masculine is.”
In Pasco’s view, true masculinity means having a clear goal or vision in life and actively pursuing it, being clear about what you want, and offering safe, protective energy in a relationship. “When you have those things down as a man, you’ll naturally attract a feminine partner who complements your masculine energy,” he said.
#10
That sometimes we just need a bit of quiet time to recharge—it's not about pushing anyone away.
#11
That we aren’t mansplaining every time we are explaining something… (but look at me, mansplaining mansplaining).
Pasco advises men looking to improve their relationships with women to take responsibility for the challenges they face. “Many men aren’t taught how to communicate or express themselves, and that isn’t their fault—but it is their responsibility to do something about it,” he said.
To make that happen, men should also have a strong idea of what they want. “You need to be clear with your intentions so you can step into your masculine energy and start attracting the kind of woman you want to be with,” he noted.
Finally, Pasco encourages men to learn how to connect with women and open up emotionally. “Men say they want a meaningful relationship but then get scared when it’s time to be vulnerable enough to create that depth,” he shared. “It’s far better to take the risk of being vulnerable than to stay scared and never experience true intimacy.”
#13
A huge number of us are 1 bad day from offing ourselves.
Child of the Stars 1 month ago
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a HUGE way in which toxic masculinity affects literally everyone, not just women.
#14
Just because we like Disney, Acting, and Music doesn't automatically mean we're gay, please talk to us!!! 🥺.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 1 month ago
I sing Disney songs (terribly) when I'm cooking. Does that make me less of a man? No... but it does make me feel like more of a Princess :D
#15
Intentionally creating distance or being cold to see if a guy will chase and respond the “right way” might not send the signal you hope it does. Dudes are way more emotional about small details than you might think.
David Morgan 1 month ago
I have genuinely never understood this concept - 'testing' things by stressing them. What do you possibly hope to gain from it? If you act distant and un-interested and the person takes you at face value, you lose a perfectly good potential partner. If you act distant and un-interested and the person keeps on pushing, is that because they really care or because they are a creepy predator? If you act etc with an existing partner and they 'pass the test', is that good enough or do you need to do another test to make sure? Where does it end except the test finally failing when the relationship breaks under the strain?
#16
Using our own emotions against us is a bad idea. .
Luis Hernandez Dauajare 1 month ago
Using anyone's emotions against them is a bad idea. Emotional manipulation is toxic regardless of gender or sex.
#17
You should not trust women to give you advice about men.
If you want to know how to treat a man, ask him. ASK THE MAN HIMSELF !
Also don't ask Reddit either. A woman looking a man in the eye and asking him a question will get a more authentic answer than reddit. every man is different and every encounter is situational.
This sounds really complicated, but it is not.
If you want a man to do something ask him to do it. If you want to know what a man wants ask him.
#18
Men need physical affection. It's how we communicate our feelings. Just watch a bunch of guys hanging out and count how often the touch, push, hit, grab, bump or wrestle. It will blow your mind when you start to see it. If you tell someone you love them 20 times a day but never touch them, they will constantly doubt that you do, in fact, love them. It doesn't mean constant sex either (although most of us wouldn't complain) but just little things throughout the day. Smack his a*s, hug him from behind when he isn't expecting it, or (and this is God tier) run your fingers through his hair with his head on your lap.
Child of the Stars 1 month ago (edited)
That's all fine and likely more true than not. Except that in my experience, men tend to assume that physical touch from a woman = take me upstairs and f.u.c.k. my brains out right tf now.
#19
A lot of us are silent when we're mad/upset/frustrated and don't say anything because we outmass you by 100 lbs and historically speaking people get scared if we show our negative emotions. So we've learned that it's less of a problem if we just seethe and then take the anger out on a bunch of zombies in a video game later.
Jostanquecla 1 month ago
I don't know why but this one particularly bothers me. Maybe because I'm frequently on the receiving end of those negative emotions that make "people get scared".
#20
Men are 3.8 times more likely to die by [self-harm] than women. Some of us may act like we big, tough, emotionless people on the outside, but we do feel inside.
#21
Im spreading my legs, NOT because I am a misogynist who thinks that by doing so I can oppress women and further support the patriarchy, but rather nature has placed a group of very sensitive "instruments" directly between my two strongest muscles and did not think to leave a natural spot for them to rest.
Green Tree 1 month ago
I mean yeah we understand you guys have balls and feel free to spread away when there is room bit that's different than being a jerk with personal space when the situation is crowded
#22
Male struggles. Every time I have ever brought up the struggles men face in the modern world with a woman, she has played the victim card and told me (maybe not directly) that my problems don't matter and my life is easy
Liklik Snek 1 month ago
That's just a s****y reaction. Everyone has their package to carry, no matter of gender, age or income.
#23
I really am listening to everything you say every day. I am listening to every observation, every feeling, every anecdote, every joke, how your day went, how your sister is, how your boobs are too big and causing back issues, the crazy driver you saw on the way to work, how bland lunch was, the men in your workplace ignoring womens contributions and ideas, your coworker going through a divorce, how your hair hates the humidity, your nails are overdue for salon. I really am listening! I just don't know which of those topics to latch on to for further discussion.
David Morgan 1 month ago
Communication is key - some women absolutely want active responses to what they are saying (questions, clarificatione etc), others want you to just listen (just being there is important), others want you to listen but show appropriate emotions etc. It's so much easier to ask, early on in the relationship, rather than get progressivly more irritated over time.
#24
That your breast size does not equal your womanliness this has been like the biggest insecurity most girls i’ve dated have. i think you girls care more than guys care.
David Morgan 1 month ago
See also penis size for men. We have convinced ourselves that this is a make-or-break matter for women, but apparently we haven't checked with women themselves.
#25
We love it when women make the first move.
None of this "confessing" c**p, it's a lot of pressure to have that kind of grand declaration thrown at you, just be direct: "I think you're cute and I would like to go on a date". No subtle hints and then wondering "why isn't he asking me out?".
#26
I wish more women would not confuse indifference with intimidated. Most men are indifferent to your income, your education, or your status we really could care less because we know it does not affect us at all.
#27
Men are not stupid and insensitive creatures. We have feelings too. Sometime when yall females do hurtful things or say hurtful things to us it hurts us, even though we don't point it out in front of your face, because we don't want to escalate the issue. We don't want to get into your gaslighting rabbit holes.
#28
That I, as a man, am pretty much completely unable to get "men" to stop being violent. I am not violent. I have no friends who are violent. And my career as a masked crusader to fight crime would be very short indeed. So before you say that men are the ones who have to fix problems with sexual assault, r**e, domestic violence, and so on, please consider that.
Susie Elle 1 month ago
The question is not to fight the fight for us, it's to fight it WITH us, and you CAN have influence on how others behave when you call them out on it when it happens. You don't have to go look for it, but when it finds you, speak up. That type of man won't take a woman seriously, so we need your help there.
#29
We have more of the human experience in common with you than we don't. If you feel a way about a thing, it's not unlikely that we will experience something similar.
Remember that every perceived difference between men and women informs one's understanding of what men and women are, and that informs one's understanding of who they are and how they are supposed to be, which informs one's actions, which informs the perceived differences between men and women. It's a pretty shrill feedback loop.
#30
When i get asked if everything is alright, and i say yes, please accept the yes and dont try to force or interpret something and ask 4 more times. We will talk, but not when forced or pushed into the convsersation like that. It results in the opposite of what you want.
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Susie Elle 1 month ago
A lot of these posts are contradictory (which is no surprise since it's multiple people and not one man posting them); "I don't want to talk but I also want to but can't, and I don't want to say what's wrong but I also want to but can't. Also, tell me what's wrong with you so I can help you or quit the whining because I can't read minds". Guess we're all a little strange, men and women :)
kansasmagic 1 month ago
As a man, I'll share this: Other men, especially when they claim to be speaking for/on behalf of all men, do not speak for me.
Tobias Reaper 1 month ago
i wish people would ask us how we are more often i found out the other day that a friend i had known for over 20 years died. Only one person has asked me if im ok or talked to me about it.
Susie Elle 1 month ago
A lot of these posts are contradictory (which is no surprise since it's multiple people and not one man posting them); "I don't want to talk but I also want to but can't, and I don't want to say what's wrong but I also want to but can't. Also, tell me what's wrong with you so I can help you or quit the whining because I can't read minds". Guess we're all a little strange, men and women :)
kansasmagic 1 month ago
As a man, I'll share this: Other men, especially when they claim to be speaking for/on behalf of all men, do not speak for me.
Tobias Reaper 1 month ago
i wish people would ask us how we are more often i found out the other day that a friend i had known for over 20 years died. Only one person has asked me if im ok or talked to me about it.
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